Female Sexual Dysfunction

[helpmyproblem]

Hey Everyone,

I am a woman in her 20s and I have a problem that is very very disturbing to me.

I have a very very difficult time orgasming from sex, even with foreplay, but I want sex all the time. When my ex and I first got together, we would have sex all the time, and I would really enjoy it, and get to a sexual plateau, but never orgasm. He would never give me foreplay at this point. At first I didn't realize I wasn't orgasming, as I had never been with anyone else before him. But, I could easily tell if I had orgasmed or not when I'd masturbate, and could easily orgasm that way from a couple different ways. So, I eventually realized there was no way I was orgasming from sex, even though I was enjoying it. My ex and I had a horrible relationship, so I think this didn't help. At any rate, I tried and tried everything I could to orgasm being with him, and it just wouldn't happen. I wasn't just laying there in bed expecting it to happen. I was trying VERY hard with everything I knew or could read about to reach this point. Finally I talked to him about it after we had been split up for four months, and we tried it again, and I orgasmed the very first time with him ever on our first try. He actually spent the time necessary to listen to what I wanted, plus I hadn't masturbated the whole 4 months we were apart, as I was wondering if that desensitized the area or something. So, I started to feel better and think that maybe the problem wasn't with me, but rather it was just a problem with the two of us, since I could orgasm on my own. Well, we got back together and we started having sex again, and I was orgasming about 1/3 to 1/2 the time with him, which was a HUGE improvement, considering I had NEVER orgasmed with him in the 5 years I had been having sex with him up to that point. I was happy about that. Well, our relationship started to go bad again, and so did the sex. No matter how hard he tried or how hard I tried, it just wouldn't happen. I was SO SO SO frusterated. We started using toys again since I'd be so frusterated and he'd feel bad, so he'd want me to use it. As soon as I started using the toys again then I stopped orgasming alltogether with him, and once again could only orgasm w/ the toys. I would always masturbate using running water or a vibrator. Anything else really didn't work.

At any rate, I don't know what my problem is. It seems from what I've read that most women who can't orgasm also don't want sex very much. That is very much NOT the case with me. I want sex all the time, and think about it all the time, but I never can orgasm. I do not understand it. It is the most frustrating thing in the world. If I didn't want sex, it wouldn't bother me so badly. But, it's so so so hard wanting it all the time and never getting fulfilled that way. It drives me up the wall and makes me feel like less of a woman.

I have read everything I can get my hands on about it. I have never been raped or molested. I have a bad relationship with my father, and also had a bad relationship with my ex husband.

At this point it is bothering me so badly that I am terrified of ever being with another man, as it is embarrassing. I had never been with anyone else before him. It scares me so badly that I think it would ruin the experience of being with someone else. I feel like I'm broken or something.

Why does something so simple elude me like this??? It's driving me crazy.

Can doctors really help? I'm so frustrated I'd do anything. Any ideas of what could be wrong?

[sensovi]

Hi helpmyproblem,

Remember not all orgasm or desire issues are directly attributed to physical dysfunctions. However, a negative mental association or disconnect can cause a physical response which then creates a vicious cycle, hence the mind- body connection. I am a sexual health educator for E-Sensual Woman and I am passionate about helping women discover their sensuality. Many women in my group have similar concerns, so you are not broken or alone. My usual suggestions are take some time out from climax focused activities. Enjoy your sensuality and your non sexual relationship with your partner. Have fun without going all the way. Try things like exploring more of what delights your senses or erotic massages.