Erectile Dysfunction

[tracey8278]

Hi everyone,
So i'm new here, and i'm hoping i might find some understanding people, who can give me either advice, their own perspectives, etc. I'm 23 years old, and have been dating a man who is 34 for the last two years. Sex has always been an issue - when we first started dating, it went well "on occasion" (very rare occasions), and at this point i'm finding it impossible to even excite him. As you can guess, this is putting a huge strain on our relationship. We used to talk about marriage, kids, etc, and, although i've done all the reading and research, and know that I shouldn't feel as though this is my fault, i still do. In the beginning i tried to be understanding, and just tried harder for him, and that didn't work. Then i thought that maybe if we stopped for awhile, the lack of sex might "build up" so to speak, an oppurtunity which might prove successful. It did not. I've never had this problem with anyone before, and am feeling more and more disconnected from him, inadequate, and repulsive with each failed attempt. (For the record, i'm in fairly decent shape and am told i'm attractive, so I don't know why I can't do it for him). I WANT to understanding, but up until now he wouldn't even talk about it. Which helped to cause more resentment (this lack of communication was quite long in duration). I don'[t know what to do. He says that he wants to be with me and spend our lives together, but the resentment and tension has built up so much to this point that it seems like there is no going back regardless of what i do. Things have been said in the heat of the moment (nothing blaming him), but i can't get past this feeling of not being good enough for him. If any of you read this and find that you've had similar situations, i'd love to hear what you have to say...my self-esteem has dropped down so far that i'm almost at the point where i feel the need to give up, even though i don't want to give up on him. PLEASE respond....i can't talk to any of my own friends or family or anyone for fear of causing embarrassment....Please help.

[Piano]

You sound like a kind, understanding lady, and I'm sure the problem lies with him and not with you. Have you told him what you have told us here, and let him realize that your relationship is in peril?

There are a number of known factors that can lead towards ED: booze, smoking, drugs and lack of exercise. If one or more of those is the problem, perhaps together you can work on it -- like frequenting coffee shops instead of bars, or go cycling, hiking etc together.

If he really wants to fix this problem, he should be willing to visit a doctor or ED clinic -- there are many treatments that can help.

Lastly, might he be "playing away"? In normal men, a period of real abstinence should greatly increase the desire.

[gina3210]

hi, i can totally relate... i hope you and your partner got some help...

my boyfriend and i are finally in counseling... i am hoping this will help get to the bottom of the problem.. and i am VERY frustated.. because we love each other very much and want to go forward in our relationship... in all other areas our lives are great... just the sex sucks...

i hope you dont feel its YOU now... it takes awhile to get over that... i still think at times, its ME.. im not attractive enough.. blah.. blah... but then i have to get over myself and realize.. its NOT me...

anyhow... best of luck

gina in michigan